1. Set Multiple Alarms, Ignore Them All
Because who needs to wake up on time when you can hit snooze ten times and still be late?
2. Learn to Cook Healthy Meals, Order Takeout Instead
Because the only thing you want to chop is vegetables out of your life.
3. Start Exercising, Never Make it Past the Couch
Because your idea of a workout is lifting the TV remote and your fingers during a Netflix marathon.
4. Save Money, But Buy More Useless Junk
Because what's the fun in having extra cash if you can't spend it on pointless knick-knacks and impulse buys?
5. Be More Productive, Spend More Time Procrastinating
Because it's important to perfect the art of starting tasks, getting distracted, and never actually finishing them.