1. Stay Connected with Friends, but Only on Social Media
Because who needs real-life conversations when you can just ignore their messages and like their posts instead?
2. Start a New Hobby, but Give Up After Two Days
Because why waste time actually improving yourself when you can just jump from one half-hearted attempt to another?
3. Exercise More, Especially While Watching TV
Because multitasking is key, and there's no better way to burn calories than by vigorously pressing the buttons on your remote control.
4. Eat Healthier, but Only After Finishing the Junk Food Stockpile
Because what's the point of grocery shopping, if not to fill your pantry with guilty pleasures that will conveniently sabotage your healthy eating plans?
5. Be More Organized, but Only by Hoarding More Stuff
Because clutter brings character, and who needs a clean living space when you can have a landfill's worth of forgotten treasures to sift through?